I love you. Buildings, roads, trees and natural life is simply disappeared. He promised to help me fuck cancer and Im not letting him go anywhere other than here, to do that. I was so happy. From somebody named Tree. I hope you know I am thankful for you taking the time to learn about Ronan and for every single penny that comes our way. How dull and empty I know this world is without you presence. Her secret is beyond this world and she is the only one that can posses it. They didnt. This is the girl who went skydiving, just because. Glenda says: July 28, 2011 . So much has happened and so much on Nothing like some hometown love to kick cancersass. I sat and watched it. You being sick, unable to do things, just does not go hand in hand. the chucking continues. In bed? I dont know if I could handle this without Macy by my side. Get a few more things done. Thank you again, Ro baby. I of course chopped it up to nerves. I found myself, on my phone, looking at pictures of you. Yes, it is wrong. I may have had a mini freak out last night in our hotel room. Having my own space without your little empty bedroom 10 feet away from where I am working is going to save me. Tell me about your trip. I wiped away my tears and appreciated the way he tried to change the subject. Everything in our lives has changed. I love you. It was the day after I had her. My time sucked but today, I had nothing to prove at all. You left him here to watch over me, for you. Ro and Mr. Sparkly Eyes tonight. I missed you tonight, when we were riding in our old jeep to the restaurant. I love you. THANK YOU. They taped the dollar to the letter and said they were giving it to me. Everything hurts. It all started with her looking me in the eyes and saying, What do you want? I would like May 9th to be National F U Cancer day. Our Rachel that feels like a younger sister to me. I know he misses you but for some reason, it hit me really hard today. The thought of any type of food, makes me nauseous, except pies. I will fight on, not because I am strong but because I wont fail you or let you down. Just the usual. Nobody in that restaurant, had a dead almost 4-year-old. Your day of death. You were the best thing thats ever been mine. Walking in with it was easy. It doesnt work. I hope you are safe. She asked me if I would like to know. That woman has such a way with words, that she could have no doubt brought every person in that room, to their knees begging to know her secret. Sorry if that was TMI, but if youve ever carried a baby, you know what I am talking about. Her baby, was 21 when she was diagnosed. I had visions of all the other angry people, right there with me. You know what comes next though. Taylor Swift - ROCKSTAR RONAN The MRI showed a mass behind Nela's eye and it turned out, Nela did not just have allergies. To bond. One of my oldest friends, Laura was sweet enough to stay back with me so I didnt have to walk alone. I was wrong. He tried once again to shake my hand and laughed as I grabbed him for a hug. My favorite kind of trip. Its so funny to me how the medical community are just not big huggers. Not to mention the fact that he is deliciously handsome, insanely talented, and I could just stop and melt right here. It was an emergency last night. I love reading all of your comments. Trying to live this life the best I can, without you. Can you believe that shit?! To feel sad. Thank you for him. I actually got nervous as I went to not shake her hand, but to give her a hug instead. Her secret has nothing to do with her fancy degree. Not a lot has been going on so I dont have a ton to write about. They so want to help with our mission and were so touched by our story that they created this show called Emotional Mojo. Now, going back to try to read that book is like a sick joke. Aye! How much you hated them. I feel like I havent been able to catch my breath all day and its not just from Poppy suffocating me. Macy is here now. Whats wrong? Melissa. All I can say is I cannot believe all of this. Tears of both happiness and sadness. As we drove to our hotel, I spent the majority of the car ride, quite, with tears streaming down my face. You were innocent. 4 boys but there should have been 6. I took her to your favorite pizza spot, Delizas, which is right by the Ronald McDonald House. I cannot believe a mannequin is wearing my dead childs costume. To me, the littlest things can sometimes seem like the most difficult. I still think it is the most beautiful song that I have ever heard. I was laying in bed. I cannot take the things down from your room, only to fill them with something new. You two had a bond and almost a secret language. I just feel like a mama who will do whatever it takes to continue fighting on for her child. I went to see Dr. JoRo. I was getting ready for our little board meeting and I should have suspected something.. but I just chopped it up to being tired. 4,586 views. Now, since this vampire baby seems to be sucking the life out of me, I can hardly get my head up off of my pillow in the mornings to take your brothers to school. We landed in a big city. I live on, for you because I love you so much. Last night, when I was roaming around our house, I looked outside. Talk about another huge sign! But you chose not to do that, and look at everything is happening. I decide to start today with, enough is enough. Your picture is enough. Holy smokes I was blown away! Things like this dont happen in real life, right? It was no use. I need to find a hobby during my witching hours. Am I pushing things a bit? Its taken a lot of work to get us to go on in our day to day lives, together, as a family, with such a huge void that never goes away. Its all I can do just to survive it. I dont get to scold you when you are being naughty The only way I can get to you, is through these things that I am so desperately trying to do. Macy. A few nights ago I was at my office working on my book, but I needed to take a little time out so I started to go through my pictures of you to make his card. Even the weather agrees. Liam chimed in, too. I'm trying to get there as fast as I can. What do you mean, I cant talk to him anymore? I cant though. THANK YOU. Not because he thinks I am wrong, but I think he likes to provoke me into thinking long and hard about things from every angle, before I take such a strong stance. I may have lost it last week which left me doing my normal screams and crying to your Mr. Sparkly Eyes. She has given me a lot to think about. After about the second day of being extremely sick, I started to come about and realized my surroundings again. Even on my darkest of days, when nobody knew what to do with me, they stood by me. I ended up waking up, and having a mini freak out session/panic attack which caused me to slam two Ambien and send some insane text messages to your Mr. Sparkly Eyes. We decided this year, to do it all after your favorite guy, Captain Rex. Let the evil secret cancer plans to take over the world, begin. Today, was a really happy day full of never-ending tears. I feel myself slipping into my alone place, not wanting to connect with anyone. Last night, when I woke up in that hotel room, only to find your daddy and brothers, and you were nowhere to be found.. well, what can I say? Nothing helps. What amazing little girls. It was bound to happen sooner or later. So much so that I am wondering if Ill become a vegetarian after this. You know that speaks volumes in my book. I did it without crying and drowning in my tears. I was just happy to finish without injuring myself even more. He was so tiny and frail. Tell me your dream for all of this. So I blabbed all about our Neuroblastoma Research and Care Center. I dont understand this. Ronan. It was official. Maybe after she gets here, my mind will change but as of now, it has not. I needed a break from MY reality today which is exactly what I got. But the most important thing is he is someone who loved you so much, Ronan. Then I went down that road. Ihave been doingnothing but spending my days with her, being quiet and still. little man. Any type of meat makes me throw up. I told them I was. Im so excited. Not many people can say that about themselves. I told your daddy if I had a month, uninterrupted, I could finish it, easily. I grab my Ambien that I now only take due to emergencies. God, you would have loved that game. Mothers Day is hard enough now, butthe fact thatit falls on what should have been your 6th birthday is just beyond anything I am capable of handling. I had been going back and forth with your Sparkly on some things. Not many people would want to. How can words comfort that? I need your help. Im not a researcher. Hormones. No mother is strong enough to survive something like this. I cannot believe how truly hard you are working, Ronan. I am really glad I did not die by the death of too many Cadbury Cream Eggs and The Kardashians. I have tried to be as productive as possible. Realness. That makes me sad. Thanks for nothing, White House. - ROCKSTAR RONAN It wouldnt have been this way, if you were still here. After I left my friend, I ran to the store. Ronan - ROCKSTAR RONAN She helped me get through the day. I nodded my head that it was, because it is; but there is also something comforting about it too. Somebody make this not real because it is too horrific. Stacy is coming with me. This does not suit you at all., me: Fine. I came home yesterday to the sweetest thing on our porch. I saw your Sparky yesterday. I cried after I dropped your brothers off at school, I cried over every single Taylor Swift song that came on the C.D. Posted on December 1, 2021 Categories Uncategorized Tags All good things are wild and free, bereaved parents, Cancer, childhood cancer, Childhood Disease, doctors, Family, Grief, Health, honesty, maya thompson, Mr. Sparkly Eyes, Music, Neuroblastoma, raw, reality, Rockstar Ronan, Ronan, ronan thompson, sadness, strength, Taylor Swift, tears . Ronan. Ronan. Quinn was eating a piece of steak beside me. In the middle of my noyoucannotsoblikeafuckingbabyinfrontofallthesepeopletantrum. Because you know the world I live in now, and you know I am scared shes going to die if you let me go to my due date. This is just the beginning. I say, Mayor Gregory Stanton for PRESIDENT. Mr. Sparkly Eyes called. I did see my life flash before my very eyes a couple of days ago when I found myself in bed, on my 6th Cadbury Cream Egg, and watching The Kardashians. I had a moment of sheer panic wash over me as I thought to myself, Who am I?? Your Fairy RoMo just happened to be in town for this meeting. Pediatic Cancer is about to get FUCKED! Thank you for not being thankful for any of the shallow things in life, but for the things that truly matter. I was excited about this meeting but as always I go in not expecting a thing. Your day of death. For the love that was ripped from my arms. You are back now so please just take these next few days to just stop. You can see the link for the website here. Tell me what I can do for you. Not the other way around. Its comforting to your daddy and brothers so this is why I stay here. I know he will keep her safe. She could not believe it. She has a ton of hair already. I attempted to drive home but had to pull over mid way so I could bang my head against my steering wheel and cry. I am going to try to get a little more rest before I have to take on this day. Your Sparkly just looked at me and said, No matter what this is, my book is already written. Your daddy and brothers will be waiting for me so excited at the airport. I watched your daddy come home from work today. I chose to escape instead. We are truly grateful to have him on our side. Only Eddie Vedder could drink wine on a stage and make it lookbadass. Ive spent about the past year, avoiding our house during the day, because I hate it so much without you here. As frustrated and sad as I am, this just motivates me more to continue this fight. Ive got to go now, Ro. What in the hell is that all about? Now Im crying every single day, sometimes every single hour. She told me how she found out at 12 weeks here with both of her boys. Im used to being the energizer bunny. Mawahahahahaha. I will always look for you though. Thank you for bringing her to us. on 2 a.m. Insomnia Parties With A Raccoon and ACat. You know how I hate our little frienemy. She told me about the study that just came out linking pregnant women and the flu, to autism. Nothing in the world will ever taste as good, smell as good, or feel as good as it did when you were here with me. I hope you are safe. Simple words that go such a long way. Ill keep you posted on when things are ready. I am dying to see our Fairy RoMo, as well. Almost 4 years, will never be enough. I was put under strict orders to slow things down and to stop with the stress. I told your Mr. Sparkly Eyes how I thought that you and your sister had planned that I went into labor on the 8th, so that when the 9th came around, I wouldnt be so sad because I would be holding your baby sistersafe and soundin my arms. maya thompson - Page 2 - ROCKSTAR RONAN I told him I would, but only because he told me to do so. I honestly still cannot believe you are gone and that I dont get to chase you around anymore. Now that Ive met you, youre in. It was like I was let into the most exclusive club that ever existed. They deserve more compassionate treatments. I can do a city, all alone, and badass, any other month, but not this month. I am still trying to absorb this all. Im tired. And I keep reminding your daddy that yes, that is right, but it is also because you thought you were going to be here to help take care of him or her and be the best big brother ever. I have never believed in something more in my life, then you. Ronan is of course over the moon to spend the day with one of his brothers. I took everything she said to heart and appreciated her willingnessto be so open and honest with me. Why are you not at your F U Cancer Starbucks office today?, me: Im sick. Nothing. I wonder how comethe wholewide world doesnt feel this way, too. We sat and caught up. P.S. It felt like it today. Our house still to me feels so empty and sad, without you here. Then the pictures just stop because no more can be taken. NOWHERE. I would like to rip its face off with my bare hands. Maybe Ill call it, What To Expect After Losing A Child And Having Another. Right in the middle of my breakdown, your Sparkly called. I hope you are safe. I knew that planning this trip. Ill fall asleep quickly as I have been doing so easily lately. I even had to tell your Nana, not to come. "Ronan" was released on September 8, 2012, as a charity song by Taylor Swift. Pain. I know that running away would not have solved my sadness, but living in the same house, without you is hard for me. This is the Captain Rex that will go under your tree at PCH this year. I left the mall, upset and sent my little Mandy Bee a message. Me: Ill bet nothing bad ever happens here., Your daddy: That is not true. I will get through it the best I can, just like I did last year. I'm hard on myself and fuck, I just plain miss this. The thought of this made me laugh due to Dr. Jo. It will be a trip packed with a lot of business, but a lot of fun as well. I sat and cried into the phone while he just listened. But I am not doing this the nice way. I miss you. Of course it is a Star Wars theme. To me that just screamed how much your little lifeis missed by us all. Again, but not always. I did my best to soak up everything that was being said. I have been reading all of your comments today. Whatever this baby is, it will be loved. Marisa. I love that. I wont ever love the month of May again. I am overwhelmed. I know what I've been doing. This weekend is a busy one. You know this is all Ronan. And how in the world am I living without him? This is such a pattern, him in my dreams, always when I am dreaming about you in whatever way that I am. I dont remember it being this way with you and your brothers, but your daddy says he does. I sent Dr. Jo a text to tell her that this conference desperately needed her there. She is so lucky to have you. He responded back with a simple, I will. I said, I know. A huge thank you to Mayor Stanton of Phoenix, Arizona for signing our proclamation to declare September as Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Dr. Schwartz calmly talked about when she could induce me and told me that she would not let me go to my due date because she knows the fear I have. She told me she was sorry about you. I hope you are safe. Every single lyric, makes me lose it. I am allowing myself to have about an hour a day in bed, not the entire freaking day. I am proud, too Ronan. I will never understand why this is acceptable. That I dont have my own Captain Rex here with me anymore to protect me. Of course I said yes and that is pretty much all I did. Im o.k. I think Lacrosse is a good start. I had just lost you. I thank you for him, every single day. I have a ways to go. So good. I promise to make you proud. I dont even want fucking justice. A heavy wave of sadness washed over me. O.k. That I needed to see him today. Dr. Sholler was not expecting it, but she smiled and seemed o.k. I know you know how much we all need her. I told you that. I think I am starting to feel a little better and pie is still my best friend. Liam happily snapped my pics and laughed at my goofy posing/fake running. Please make this about more than just science. No matter how frustrated or sad I get because I know at the end of the day, youre not coming back. I wanted you so badly, to be in the kitchen cooking with me, like we used to do. It was my agent, Nena. Your sweet little face. As in really hard. I had a little secret very important meeting today. Wheres Ronan? I, of course, look for you on every field and on every team. If we do have a boy, we have already decided his middle name will be Ronan, of course. I think I will wear black all day long. I hope today I can manage to be a little productive. How some people try so hard to become a writer and they just dont have the natural ability that I have. Having your Poppy sister has saved me. The Ronan Thompson Foundation - ROCKSTAR RONAN Goodnight boys, Goodnight, Ro. I managed to say. He laughed at that. . I remember with all of you, I read that book, What To Expect, When Youre Expecting. I carried that thing around with me like it was my bible. I went and got it. Do you think there will ever come a time when Christmas lights wont be blurry from mytears? Just because I am tired and sick does not mean I have to roll over and totally give into that, right?? This is all for now. I miss him so much.. They didnt judge me. I know we are and will change this world in a very big way but FUCK. I miss you so much, Ro. Your daddy keeps telling me that Im wiped out due to growing a home for your baby brother or sister. I might just fall asleep with a smile on my face tonight and I might just be going out to New York City in a few weeks. I was aching to see your little face so badly that I wanted to throw up. I chose to see you today. Ryan Star - Wikipedia I dont want anyone at the hospital, except your daddy and your brothers when the time is right and she is here, safe and sound. This is the part where all you lovelies chime in on how brave I am. I love you, Ro. I just made a choice to get back up and live the only way I know how to live now by fighting for you and all you were robbed of. Its my pretend world and I can live in it if I want to. I so badly, wanted my little sidekick and partner in crime. He was so tiny and frail. She has a Ronan. After the race I got a chance to meet some really lovely people who all love you so much. on Its 3:25 a.m.? He has saved my life and for that, I have you to thank. I miss you. I am so glad I finally got to meet her. No trace of black oblivion coma, existed. Up, showered, packed, Starbucks, hit the road, lets get outta this big city. I think that is pretty good, considering our circumstances. Stop making everything so much more complicated than it really is. He came in beaming and so happy. No eating required. He said he knew. The ones in life that make you think about things from every different angle and dont want you just to take the easy way out. I would give anything to be with you, through. I truly think you thought you were just going to go to sleep and wake up once again, after we got you all better.
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